


Whatever Happens

by llaras



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Community: queenbitchfest, Divorce, First Time Blow Jobs, Friends to Lovers, Hotel Sex, Jealousy, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Polyamory Negotiations, Requited Love, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Touring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-06
Updated: 2010-11-06
Packaged: 2017-10-13 02:11:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/131670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llaras/pseuds/llaras
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One phone call from Katy changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whatever Happens

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [**queenbitchfest**](http://community.livejournal.com/queenbitchfest/). My song was "Fill Your Heart" from _Hunky Dory_. Originally posted on the community 11/29/2009 and on my LJ 12/06/2009.
> 
> Many thank yous to [](http://quiesce.livejournal.com/)**quiesce** for not only doing a great job on the beta, but also for listening to me make various good and bad noises for weeks about this fic.
> 
> Mention of Adam/Drake and Katy/Kris, but the focus is on Kris and Adam.

  
Adam's been yawning for the last twenty minutes and he keeps hoping that Kris will get the hint and say goodnight and go back to his own room, but it looks like Adam's going to have to take a more direct approach.

He clicks off the television at the next commercial break and looks at Kris expectantly. Kris looks back in surprise. "Oh. I'm...are you going to bed?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow's going to be a long day, you know?" Adam gets up and stretches.

"Yeah." But Kris doesn't move. He's staring at the blank television screen.

Adam frowns. "Are you okay?"

"Hmmm?" Kris looks back up at him. "Yeah. No. I'm sorry. I'm pretty tired too, I guess."

Actually, Adam thinks, Kris looks more than tired, he looks exhausted. Between the tour and the interviews and the photo shoots and the face time spent with fans and the Good Morning America performance, and hell, trying to find time to work on songs as well as recording, it's starting to take a toll on both of them.

He holds out his hand in invitation to help Kris up off the couch and softens his tone. "You'll feel a lot better after a good night's sleep. Maybe we can skip some press or some meet and greets at the next stop. I can talk to them tomorrow and see, okay?"

"I don't know, man. I hate to disappoint anyone --" Kris pauses and rubs at his face with both hands. "Though maybe that's a good idea." He accepts Adam's help and he's halfway to the door when he stops and turns, one hand tugging at the hem of his shirt, a sheepish expression on his face. "Hey, do you mind if I sleep here tonight? I'm kind of not in the mood to be alone."

"Um." Adam glances over at the bed. It's a king, but they've never shared a bed before, and he's a little reluctant to go there. He has a feeling that Kris in the same bed with him will equal a pretty restless night.

"I can sleep on the couch."

"No, we can share, it's fine. There's plenty of room." And Adam doesn't know how much of that offer is because Kris honestly does look pretty miserable and a night on the couch would probably make it worse, or how much of it is because he's never gotten over that stupid fucking crush and the idea of sleeping next to Kris makes him shiver in all kinds of good and bad ways. It's likely to be torture, but he still can't say no.

Kris's shoulders sag in relief. "You want the bathroom first?"

Adam shakes his head and grabs his laptop. "Nah. You go ahead. I need to check my email anyway." Maybe Kris will be asleep by the time he's done if Adam takes long enough getting ready for bed. "There's a new toothbrush in one of the bags in there, you're welcome to use it," he calls as Kris heads into the bathroom.

"Cool, thanks. I won't be long, I took a shower before I came over."

Adam pulls up his email, but there's nothing that desperately requires a response that night, so it ends up being a pretty pointless distraction. He mentally shakes his head at himself. He really needs to get over this attraction. The fact that it's managed to last this long has been something he's avoided examining. It doesn't help that they are thrown together with so much frequency, either. He tries to laugh about the whole "Kradam" thing and just enjoy that it gives him more opportunities to spend time with Kris, but sometimes he wishes that it had never turned out to be so popular with the media and fans. It blurs the lines, even when he knows they are just friends.

He hears the water turn off in the bathroom and they've shared close quarters enough times that Adam knows Kris is about done. He tries to shake off his mood and relax, knowing that he's tired enough to not be as careful about what shows on his face. He's digging through his suitcase for some flannel sleep pants and a clean t-shirt when Kris comes out. Adam looks up, smile at the ready, but has to groan inwardly when he sees that Kris has stripped down to just boxer briefs. "You want something to wear?" he asks, not looking away, even though he should.

Kris crosses his arms over his bare chest and blinks, rubs his shoulders. "Yeah? I guess. It's kind of cold in here."

Adam tosses him the smallest t-shirt he has, it's too tight on him, but it should fit Kris perfectly. He holds up a pair of sweats. "I don't know if these will work. You could roll up the legs?"

And that gets the first genuine laughter that he's heard from Kris all night. "It's not that cold and I'll be in bed soon enough. This is fine, thanks."

"No problem." Adam grabs his stuff and gestures at the bathroom. "I'm going to grab a shower, so --"

"Okay," Kris says as he slips the t-shirt on over his head. "And thanks again, I appreciate this."

"It's just a t-shirt." Adam makes a goofy face at him.

Kris laughs and mimics it back. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah. Goodnight, Kris."

"Night."

\--

One of the things that Adam loves about staying in hotels is the endless hot water. He doesn't always take advantage of it, doesn't usually have that much time. But tonight he's staying in as long as possible. He even takes his time jacking off, purposefully focusing on how good it feels and not on pesky mental images of a certain adorable, very straight, happily married man who fills out his plaid and denim wardrobe very nicely and doesn't shy away from open physical affection in public and has really beautiful hands and the back of his neck and oh, fuck it.

It's the weirdest orgasm ever because he's kind of angry at himself for giving in to the fantasy of something he can never have and shouldn't even be thinking about in the first place. He's not that kind of guy, to project his needs and desires onto those who would not welcome it. It's one thing to joke about a crush, it's another thing entirely to add them to your mental flipbook of masturbatory material. He leans his forehead against the wall of the shower and stays there until his breathing slows down and he starts to feel less rejuvenated by the hot water and more waterlogged and drowsy. Long enough that he can feel the imprint of the tiles on his skin.

  
Kris has left the lamp by the empty side of the bed on its lowest setting. Its glow is just enough that Adam can make out that Kris is asleep, so Adam tries to be especially quiet as he turns it off and slips under the covers. He's not usually a restless sleeper, but it almost always takes him some time to fall asleep, no matter how tired he is. His brain just doesn't like to turn off. And it often takes him a few different position changes to figure out which side he'll be sleeping on and how many pillows will be best. Then there's the covers, every hotel has different kinds of blankets and sheets and it takes a while to get comfortable, damn it.

But not tonight. He's too afraid to disturb Kris with any shifts in the mattress or blanket rustling. So he just lies there, on his back, and stares at the ceiling, hoping that his brain and body will have mercy on him and just this once let him go to sleep as fast as Kris always does. It almost works. He can't even really tell there's someone else in there with him, the bed's so big. And for some reason he can't even hear Kris breathing, which is strange because back in the mansion he could hear him from across the room.

A little worried, he rolls onto his side, facing Kris. There isn't enough light to see him now, but maybe the position change will make it so Adam can hear him and not worry that he's stopped breathing.

"You didn't blow dry your hair."

Adam startles. Jesus. "I thought you were asleep. I didn't want to make too much noise."

He gets a murmur in reply, "I'm used to Adam noises. Go blow dry your hair. You know it'll look insane in the morning if you don't."

And Kris is not wrong. It really will. So Adam gets back up and takes care of his hair, though he tries to be quick about it.

Kris is still awake when Adam climbs back into bed. "See? Now don't you feel better?"

Adam has to keep himself from sticking out his tongue in response.

"Are you making a face at me?"

Adam laughs. "Kristopher Allen, go to _sleep_."

Kris is quiet for a few minutes and Adam's finally starting to drift off when Kris speaks again. "Is this what it's like when you can't sleep?"

"Yes, this is _exactly_ what it's like when I can't sleep." Adam can't help but lay the sarcasm on thick.

Kris makes a strangled noise into his pillow. "I'm sorry. I suck. I thought this would help. I can go."

"Wait. Help what? What's going on?"

Kris doesn't say anything at first, there's a huge pause and Adam thinks maybe he's not going to answer. "I had a weird conversation with Katy on the phone today."

"Oh." Adam doesn't mind talking about Katy, but he'd rather not get involved if they're having problems; he doesn't trust himself to be objective.

"Do you think it's possible to be in love with two people at the same time?"

Adam's not sure where this is going. "Yeah? Maybe? It's never happened to me, but I _guess_ I can see how that might happen."

Kris makes a humming noise and goes quiet again.

But Adam can't let it go. "Did Katy tell you she was in love with someone else?"

"No. She said --" Kris huffs out a sigh. "She said she thought I was."

"Huh." It takes Adam a moment or two to process this information. It doesn't make sense. Kris has never mentioned any woman other than Katy as long as Adam's known him. He doesn't flirt with other women, not even as a joke. In fact, the only person he ever flirts with is Adam, but that's just... "Who are you supposedly in love with?"

Kris doesn't answer his question. "I think she's right. I hate to say it, but I've been thinking about it ever since I got off the phone with her and while it's kind of blowing my mind? I think she's right. Maybe?"

"Who, Kris?"

"Adam. I'm sorry. I'm freaking out a little here." And he does sound agitated, his breathing has sped up and his voice is cracking. "Please don't hate me for saying this. I know this is the last thing you need or want to deal with right now, but maybe it's better that I tell you? I mean, like, get it all out in the open, right? And then maybe if you don't hate me we can laugh about it someday?"

Adam wants more than anything to turn on the light and just grab onto Kris and hug him. Whoever this other woman is, it's obviously something big if Kris thinks it's going to bother Adam. He's never heard him so upset before. The only woman Adam can think of that might bother him if Kris was in love with her would be Allison. But that's ridiculous. There's something he's missing. "Kris, I could never hate you. You know better than that." He reaches out, "Hey, give me your hand." Kris does and Adam squeezes it gently. "It's going to be okay. We'll figure it out, alright? Just try to breathe."

They lie there like that for a few minutes, Adam rubbing soothing circles on the back of Kris's hand, waiting for Kris to calm down a little bit. It's a good break in the discussion too, because it gives Adam some time to try to figure out what to say. He tries to think if anyone he knows has gone for marriage counseling. Maybe when they're back in L.A. he can hook Kris and Katy up with a good therapist.

"Are you feeling any better?" he ventures.

"Yeah, I guess?"

"Good. Now, I have a few questions. But the most important one is: do you think she loves you back?"

"Who?" Kris sounds confused.

"The woman you've fallen in love with!" Adam says in exasperation.

Kris pulls his hand away and makes a weird noise. Then he starts laughing.

"What? Kris, I swear to god."

Kris is laughing so hard he sounds on the verge of hysteria. "No, heh --" he wheezes. "I'm sorry. Jeez, you're so --"

"What?!"

Kris's laughter dies down and he takes a deep breath before saying, "Adam, the _woman_ is _you_."

Adam opens his mouth, he knows there's something he should be saying at this moment, but he can't think of one single word. He shuts his mouth without making a sound.

"Adam? Shit." Kris sounds distressed, but still Adam is speechless. He hears Kris move around and suddenly the room is filled with light. Shutting his eyes and covering his face with his arm is pure reflex against the glare. His heart is beating so fast and the room is kind of spinny. It's exactly the same feeling he gets when he's overestimated the amount of vodka he can drink and he passes right by tipsy on the way to loaded. He uncovers his eyes and blinks.

"Adam!" Kris is hovering over him, his brow creased in concern. "Holy shit, are you mad?" He shakes Adam's shoulder. "Say something!"

Adam's mouth is kind of dry and he needs a few seconds to collect himself. "Can you get me some water?" he asks.

"Yeah. Yeah. I'll just, I'll be right back."

Kris is gone long enough for Adam to convince his heart to stop hammering out of his chest and to get himself situated in a better position, sitting up against the headboard.

"Here." Kris hands him a cold bottle of water. He must have gotten it from the mini bar. It tastes really good. He drinks the whole thing while Kris sits next to him, practically wringing his hands in concern. "Are you okay? Are you mad? You almost gave me a heart attack, holy crap."

Adam nearly sputters as he sets the empty bottle down on the nightstand. He turns back to Kris, incredulous. " _I_ almost gave _you_ a heart attack?"

Kris looks stricken.

"C'mere." Adam pats the space next to him and Kris scoots up and settles next to his side, lets Adam draw him into a one-armed hug.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out." His voice is muffled against Adam's shoulder.

"It's okay. You just threw me for a loop there. Kris, I --" Adam's still trying to figure out how he wants to react to this news. Besides practically fainting like a heroine in some trashy romance novel. How embarrassing. "Talk to me. Tell me what brought this on. Why do you think you're in love with me? Why does _Katy_ think you're in love with me?"

Kris moves his head a little and sighs, but he doesn't move away and that's good, because Adam needs to hold onto something solid right about now. "She had like this _list_ , I swear to you. All the touching and hugging and stuff. And I talk about you all the time and you're the only person I really want to hang out with."

"Well, we're friends," Adam reasons.

"Yeah, but that doesn't explain the inappropriate hard-ons I get when we're on stage together. Don't tell me you haven't noticed _that_. Katy did."

Oh, Adam's noticed all right. "I just thought you were excited..."

"Yeah, excited about you." Kris sounds sad and Adam can't help but pet his hair.

He clears his throat. "Maybe it's just curiosity?"

"I don't think so. It's not like I haven't thought about guys before, you know? But I never really liked any of them enough to want to try anything. Even when Katy and I broke up. This is different. I'm not curious about being with a guy, Adam. It's more than that."

"Okay." Adam's starting to see some of their interactions in a new light. "Why did Katy bring this up? What does she want you to do? I don't get it."

Kris fidgets a little and leans his head back against Adam's shoulder. It makes Adam shiver.

"I don't know. She said that I should tell you, talk to you about it. She said she trusts you. That she trusts me. That she felt it was important that we all be honest with each other."

Adam can't help but laugh. It comes out a little bitter. "Yeah, honesty's _great_."

They sit there for a minute or so, both quiet with their own thoughts. There's still a lot that Adam wants to ask, but he's starting to get tired again and the warm weight of Kris pressed up against him isn't helping him think clearly.

Kris shifts a little closer, until he's nosing at Adam's neck. "You smell really good," he sighs.

And suddenly Adam is very awake again. "I don't think that's what Katy had in mind when she suggested we talk about this, Kris."

"Actually --"

"Actually, what?"

"She said that, um." Kris clears his throat. "She said she would understand if something happened."

"You can't be serious. She doesn't want that." Adam is incredulous.

"Well, I don't know that she _wants_ anything to happen, but she said she'd understand if it did. Something about getting it out of our systems."

"Do you want something to happen, Kris?"

"I think the real question here is do _you_ , Adam? I mean, none of this matters if you don't, if you aren't --"

Adam interrupts him because he really doesn't want to get into what he feels for Kris. There has to be some way to salvage this, to keep it from heading in the direction Kris is steering towards. "And what if we do, huh? What if we take this to a physical place and it doesn't work, what if we don't 'get it out of our systems'? What then?"

"I don't know. Have to cross that bridge when we come to it, I guess."

"Well, the writing's on the fucking wall, isn't it."

"Yeah."

"I'm not going to be your fling, Kris."

"I'm not asking you to be."

"Or your mistress."

Kris snorts.

"I'm serious. If we do this, and I mean if... God, what am I even saying? We can't do this."

"Why not?"

"I'm not breaking up your marriage. I love you guys too much to do that. And shit, Kris, we're right on the verge of kicking off our albums and our careers. Do you really want to fuck with that?"

Kris's voice goes whisper quiet. "No. You're right. But Adam, I don't think I can leave things like this. It's already driving me crazy and it's only been one day."

Adam sighs. "What do you want, Kris? What do you want from me?"

"I need to know how you feel about me. You haven't even said. I mean, what if I wasn't married?"

Adam sighs again. "I don't know, Kris. And I swear I'm being 100% honest with you here. Am I attracted to you? Yes, absolutely. You know that. Do I love you? Of course I do, you've become one of the best friends I've ever had. But I haven't let myself even think about anything more, there hasn't been any reason to, because you _are_ married. And then there's Drake."

"Do you love him?"

"I don't know. I don't think so, not yet. But the potential is there."

"Right." Kris sounds disappointed.

"Maybe we should just, I don't know, hold off on whatever this is. Give ourselves some time to process all of these feelings. And then, maybe six months from now --"

Kris interrupts, "Six months!"

Adam continues, "Or a year. Time to establish our careers and maybe you and Katy could get some counseling..."

"A year! Fuck that!" Kris pulls away. "That's bullshit and you know it. Maybe you don't want to deal with this, but I do. This is a big deal, Adam. A big fucking deal. I'm questioning my marriage, fuck, my whole life, and you want to just ignore it and --" He jumps off the bed and heads into the bathroom, comes back out seconds later, his clothes in hand. "Also? I call bullshit on you not knowing how you feel about me."

Adam's never seen Kris so angry. He watches as Kris pulls on his jeans and goes looking for his shoes. "Kris..."

"Forget it, man. Whatever. Just forget the whole thing. Tonight never happened. I'll figure this out on my own. I'm sorry to have bothered you with it." And he looks like he's on the verge of tears. Which is what finally breaks Adam. He's never seen Kris cry, ever.

Kris finds his shoes and he's at the door, fumbling with the three different locks. Adam barely makes it to him before Kris gets to the third one, shoves his hand against the door to keep it from opening. "Wait. Stop. Don't go like this, please."

Kris goes completely still.

"I'm sorry, Kris. I didn't... I'm trying to be the good guy here."

Kris sniffs, but still doesn't turn around. "I don't want you to be the good guy."

Adam has to laugh. "Yeah, I'm getting that impression. What do you want, Kris? What would set your mind at ease at this point? You want to know how I feel about you? Fine." Adam takes a deep breath. "I think I've been in love with you for months, Kris. And I hate myself for it. You were supposed to be off-limits, but it happened anyway. And I thought I could just wait it out. The tour's going to be over soon and we're both going to be so busy, I thought that it would eventually fade as we went our separate ways, okay? I never in a million years ever thought you'd reciprocate any of these feelings, so I just tried not to think about it."

Kris finally turns around and meets Adam's eyes. He looks utterly lost. And Adam hates that he ever made him feel that way. They're standing close enough that he only has to lean forward and down a bit to press a quick, apologetic kiss to Kris's mouth. "I'm sorry."

Kris rubs at his eyes. "I hate you."

"No, you don't." Adam's voice goes soft. "You love me, you can't take it back now."

Kris grimaces and shakes his head.

"Kris, what can I do to make this right?"

Kris bites his bottom lip before he speaks. "Give me tonight, Adam. One night. That's all I'm asking. And then we can wait however long you want. A year, whatever. I -- I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm starting to think that my marriage is over and maybe has been for a while. And if I'm right? I'd like one night, with you. So that I know what I'm waiting for."

"You really think that you and Katy are over?" Adam almost feels sick. "You really think that we should --?" He's surprised.

Kris nods. "Yeah. To both."

Adam's afraid to be hopeful. "I'm not going to settle for second best, Kris. And I'm not going to have an affair with a married man. If we do this, tonight, then that's it, for a whole year. We don't speak about it, at all, until that year is up. We work on our albums and get our careers kick-started and you, you need to figure out what you really want. Because no matter what happens tonight, I know you still love Katy and don't want to hurt her. Am I right?"

"Yeah."

"You're going to have to make a choice. Between her and me. And I know that won't be easy, but that's non-negotiable. And maybe you'll decide tomorrow or next week or next month or six months from now, hell, maybe you'll decide the day before the year is up, but we won't talk about it until then."

"And what will you do? Are you still going to be with Drake?" Adam can hear an edge to his tone when he says Drake's name.

"Hey, you don't get to do that. You don't get to be jealous yet."

"What if you change your mind, Adam? What if we do like you say and then when the year is up I decide to leave my wife and you don't want me anymore?"

Adam closes his eyes. This whole thing is almost too painful. His heart has been broken too many times for it ever to be easy to lay it bare anymore. "Kris, that's not going to happen. Trust me."

Kris practically faceplants into Adam's chest and holds on tight. "I do. I trust you."

Adam hugs him back. "So, do you want to..."

"Can we please just stop talking? I don't have any words left."

"Yeah, okay. No more talking." He takes Kris's hand and leads him back to the bed.

\--

If Adam had thought about what Kris might be like in bed, which he has tried not to, he would have guessed that Kris would be nervous or shy about being with a guy for the first time. But he isn't. In fact, Kris seems quite sure of what he wants. Determined, even. And while Adam is used to taking the lead when it comes to sex, in fact prefers it that way, he lets Kris take charge. Adam wants to give him whatever he needs this night. It may be the only time they do this and Adam will honestly be happy with anything at this point, but he wants it to be perfect for Kris.

Though that would be a shame, if this was it, because despite Kris's lack of experience when it comes to men, he has absolutely no qualms about _anything_. Kris's so damn receptive that Adam thanks whatever possessed him to get off in the shower earlier because it's keeping him from going off too fucking fast now.

They start careful, with tender, sweet kisses. It's the best kind of making out, warm and easy, the intensity notching up degree by slow degree. It's a little strange at first, not speaking, because he wants to ask Kris what he wants, if he can touch him here or _there_. But he promised no more talking, so Adam takes his cues from Kris, watches his eyes, so full of heat, and measures the angle of his arched neck when Adam slips his hand into his briefs and takes Kris in hand.

It's almost torturous, the silence. Part of him wants to rebel, wants to whisper all the filthy things he wants to do to Kris if only he had more time. And he wants so desperately to tell Kris how beautiful he is like this, flushed and wanting, laid out like the best gift ever, how he makes Adam feel like the luckiest man on earth at this very moment. Afraid to break the spell, he finds ways to keep his mouth busy while he slowly strokes Kris's cock, licking and sucking at every attractive patch of skin he can get to. The inside of a wrist, the spot to the left of Kris's belly button, the tasty ticklish area behind his right knee.

Kris stops him there. He's laughing silently and shaking his head. He holds up his hands in surrender before pulling off his borrowed t-shirt. He presses a hand to his groin and gives Adam a sly look before shucking them off too. Adam has to take a moment to breathe. Just a moment.

He barely gets that moment because Kris tackles him, pulling Adam's clothes off hastily. He pushes Adam down and keeps him there with a stern look. Apparently he wants to return the favor and Adam revels in how talented and curious Kris's mouth is. Biting, who would have guessed? It's dizzying.

Kris finally reaches Adam's cock and he doesn't even pause before fitting his mouth over the head and sucking hard. Adam's body jerks in surprise and he gasps out loud when Kris takes him deeper, relentless and silky hot, his hands pushing Adam's hips down to keep him from thrusting. And it's a good thing Kris is so strong, because Adam's having a little difficulty controlling himself. It's deliciously obscene, watching Kris like this, mouth stretched wide, so snug and wet around Adam's cock. And he's completely blissed out, so focused on the job at hand that it takes him a second or two to register that Adam's desperately trying to make him stop before he comes right then.

The look on Kris's face when he realizes just how far gone Adam is is pure evil. He smirks and licks his lips before sliding up beside Adam and kissing him, hungry and hard. Kris pulls away a couple of heartbeats later, holds up a finger as if to say "just a minute" and rolls off the bed, disappearing into the bathroom. He reappears seconds later, hops back up onto the bed and drops a condom and lube onto Adam's chest. Adam's eyes go wide. Kris must have seen those earlier when he was looking for that extra toothbrush. Adam wonders briefly if Kris has been thinking about this since then. He wants to ask _are you sure you want this_? Are you _sure_?

Adam isn't going to pretend that anal sex is the ultimate gay act or that it necessarily proves anything in particular. God knows he's had a few one night stands that were purely about the sex and nothing else. But it is pretty intimate, especially for the first time, and this gay revelation of Kris's is kind of sudden. He doesn't want Kris to think that it's required or expected. He has to say something. "Kris..."

"No, hey." Kris looks worried. Like he's afraid Adam's going to call the whole thing off.

"It's not that I don't want to. Trust me, _I want to_. But maybe this is a little too fast." The selfish part of Adam is screaming for him to shut the fuck up, but in the end he has to be 100% certain that Kris isn't just doing this because he thinks he has to. "There's other stuff we can do. I'll make it so good for you, I promise, but I don't think --"

"Adam. Stop. Just --" Kris holds up a hand, his eyes pleading. He crawls over to Adam and climbs onto his lap. His eyes close and he moans as their groins make brief contact. Adam can't help but thrust against him. "Whoops, sorry." Kris pulls back a little and settles his arms around Adam's neck, looks him squarely in the eyes before speaking again. "You're worried I'm going to freak out."

"A little."

"That I don't really want this."

Adam sighs. "Yeah."

"I am freaking out a little," Kris admits.

"See --"

"But it's the good kind of freaking out. Like, oh, my God, am I really doing this. Like, oh, my God, why haven't I done this sooner. Adam, it's the good kind of freaking out, I swear."

Adam lets out the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"I need to have this. With you. I want to have this. Only with you. Okay?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, so can we please get on with it?"

Adam tries not to laugh. "Get on with it? Really?"

"How about, ooo baby, do me?"

"Kris, that is the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me."

They both crack up a little. But then Kris makes a serious face at him again. "I do love you, you know, no matter what happens after tonight. Even if you change your mind later on."

"Shhh. It's okay. I know." Adam presses his lips to Kris's brow. "I know, baby." Presses kisses to his eyelids and the corners of his mouth before licking his way inside. "I love you, too."

It doesn't take that long for them to get back in the groove of touching and tasting, and the next thing Adam knows, Kris is in his lap, panting and biting at Adam's neck as Adam slowly works in a second lubed finger. "Is this okay?" he asks.

"Yeah." Kris's voice has gone raspy. "It feels weird, but good. Don't stop."

It takes him a lot less time to get used to it then Adam expected. Adam barely has a third finger in when Kris gasps and stiffens, coming all over Adam's stomach and chest. "Oh," is all he says. Then, "Sorry, I didn't know that was going to happen."

"It's okay. I'll have you coming again in no time."

Kris moans,"Oh, God, seriously?"

Adam chuckles and pulls his fingers out.

The nice thing about getting that first orgasm out of the way is that Kris has gone completely pliant. He lets Adam maneuver him onto his back, legs spread wide, knees bent. He's got a silly, dreamy smile on his face and looks like he's about to fall asleep. A smack on the ass cures him of that.

"Stay with me, Allen. I'm about to rock your world."

"I bet you say that to all the girls."

"Yeah, they wish."

"Too bad for them. Lucky for me." Kris grins and stretches his arms above his head.

Adam slips on the condom and grabs a pillow. "Hips up." Kris complies and it's a surprising quick slide in. Adam has to take a moment to compose himself before checking to see how Kris is faring.

Kris's face is scrunched in concentration. "Jesus," he breathes out.

"You alright? We can stop."

Kris wiggles a little under him, takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. He closes his eyes. "It feels different than your fingers. Kinda crazy."

"Crazy good or crazy bad?" Adam's afraid to move.

"Hmmm." Kris sucks in his bottom lip, brings his hands up to rest on Adam's hips, and then thrusts up a little. "Can you move? Please?"

So Adam does. He pulls out, maybe halfway, before slowly pushing back in. The look on Kris's face changes, but he doesn't say to stop, so Adam does it again, and again, adjusting the angle of his thrust each time.

Kris's eyes startle open. "Crazy goooood," he drawls out. "Fuck." He pulls one of his hands from Adam's hip and reaches for his cock, which has decided to join the party again. He's flushed all over and the heat coming off of his body, combined with the strain of not just fucking him into the mattress, is making Adam sweat. "You can, you can go harder. Adam, please."

His mouth drops open as Adam picks up the pace, hips snapping hard and precise. It's exquisite and Adam has to fight for control, to make it last as long as possible. It doesn't help that Kris has started to make noises, nonsensical words falling out of his mouth like curses, moans that increase in longevity with every thrust. His eyes meet Adam's and he says something, but Adam can't quite make out what Kris's saying between the slurred words and the rushing sound in his own ears. "What?"

Kris licks his lips and grabs at Adam with both hands again, holding on so tight that Adam's sure he'll have bruises to show for it. "I said I want, I want you to do this to me every day. Every night. Whatever. God, this is the awesomest thing _ever_." His ass clenches around Adam with that last word and Kris groans as he comes for the second time that night. And that pretty much wrecks whatever control Adam had left. He gets maybe two or three more thrusts in before he's done. He does his level best to not collapse on Kris, but it's a close thing.

They take a moment or two to catch their breath and then Kris is laughing. He unclenches his fingers from Adam's hips and rubs the skin there, carefully. "Sorry, did I hurt you?'

Now it's Adam's turn to laugh. "I'm supposed to be asking _you_ that."

"Nah, I'm good."

"Me too."

They grin unabashedly at each other.

\--

Adam takes a few minutes to get them cleaned up before climbing back into bed and pulling Kris into his arms. He's pretty much exhausted at this point, knows that it's going to be a quick drop to sleep once the endorphins fade. "This is it," he says as he lightly rubs his hand up and down Kris's back. "Last words before the year starts?"

Kris hums to himself, rubs his face against Adam's chest and sighs. "I already said everything I wanted to say. You?"

"Yeah, me too. Goodnight, Kris."

"Night, Adam. Love you."

"And you." Adam presses one last kiss to the top of Kris's head and finally succumbs to sleep.

  
They oversleep, and maybe that's a good thing. It means there's no time for any morning after awkwardness in the rush to get ready for the day.

By unspoken agreement they cool off on the joking and bromance stuff, which is a relief to Adam. He doesn't necessarily want things to change, but it's nice to have a break so he can sort through how he's feeling about it all.

  
Before he knows it the tour is over and Adam's back in L.A. working on his album. He's enjoying the distractions of going out with his friends again, buying a house, seeing Drake when they both have time. Adam considers telling Drake about what happened with Kris, but in the end decides that it would cause more problems than it would solve. He gets the feeling that Drake's more serious about their relationship than he is and Adam knows it's just a matter of time before they're done. They only last two more months. He doesn't know how much of that is because of Kris and doesn't examine it too closely. He's trying not to base any important decisions on that night. He's trying.

He sees Kris fairly often at first. Usually at the 19E offices. They've reverted back to their "normal" behavior, which is nice, because he's missed his friend. The first time he sees Katy with Kris is a little scary. He doesn't know how much Kris told her, but she treats him like she always has, so either she's a great actress or she doesn't know. Or maybe she really doesn't care. This is another thing he tries not to think about too much.

The first half of the year goes by pretty quickly. He's incredibly busy all the time with interviews and performances and rehearsals for the tour and he knows it's the same for Kris. They don't see each other except at various events, but they still manage the odd phone call or text here and there. He's carefully optimistic most days. It's a good feeling.

\--

It's sometime in late February when Adam gets the call from Katy. She leaves a voice mail inviting him to dinner that weekend and Adam doesn't think twice about accepting. Things have been going well, no reason it should change at this point. She says she's making lasagna so he stops and picks up a nice bottle of red wine on the way over.

Katy greets him with a smile and a hug and welcomes him into the apartment. Adam's only been there once before, when they had a small housewarming party. They've had more of a chance to decorate since then and Adam's so caught up in noticing all the changes that he doesn't realize at first that Kris isn't there.

Katy had gratefully accepted the wine and disappeared into the kitchen, saying she needed to finish the salad and to make himself comfortable, that she would only be a few minutes. He thinks about joining her, but now that he knows Kris isn't there, he has no idea what to say to her, so he just sits on the sofa and fiddles with the coasters.

"Here," Katy hands him a glass. "Vodka tonic with a twist, right?"

"Yeah, thanks." Adam takes a sip. "Is Kris running late?"

"Oh, no. He's out of town, actually. He's playing for some charity thing up in Seattle."

"Ah." Adam avoids her eyes.

"Adam." She sighs and sits down next to him on the sofa. "You can look at me, you know. I'm not going to bite your head off or yell or cry or whatever you think I'm going to do."

So, she knows. Adam surreptitiously eyes his glass.

Katy laughs. "I'm not going to poison you either!"

"We're not supposed to be talking about this," he says, and he bravely, in his opinion, picks up the drink and gulps half of it down.

"No, you and _Kris_ aren't supposed to talk about it. However, you and I can."

"Does Kris know you invited me over when he was going to be gone?"

"Nope, and I'm not planning on telling him. I'd prefer this stay between you and me."

"Katy..."

She sighs and leans back into the cushions. "I tried to think about how I would feel in your place and I know you must wonder if Kris feels the same way he did before. Personally? I would be going crazy not knowing. I wanted to set your mind at ease."

"Why... How..." Adam is completely flabbergasted.

"Listen, Kris and I made a deal. We stay married for the year so that he gets a chance to get his career started without becoming tabloid fodder and I get a very nice divorce settlement and the chance to establish myself as an actress, again without the media shitting themselves silly over how Adam Lambert turned Kris Allen gay."

Adam sucks down the rest of his drink. "Okay," he manages to croak out.

"Let me refill that for you." Katy takes the glass and when she comes back she has one for herself too. "Anyway," she says as she settles back on the sofa, "I got some good news this week, I got a job. And not a commercial this time. A real role, a recurring character on a new drama series, and I thought it was cause for celebration."

"Hey, that's great. Congratulations, Katy." And Adam really is happy for her. Despite what's happened between him and Kris he's never wished her any ill will and he knows how much she's wanted this.

"Thank you. And since I was celebrating my good fortune, I wanted to spread it around a little." She smiles. "So. Any questions?"

"I can't believe you don't hate me. I don't know why you don't hate me. _I_ would hate me in your place, Katy."

"Oh, I did! At first. I mean, this was before I even told Kris what I suspected. And maybe a time or two since then, as long as we're being honest. Sometimes I'm mad at him too, you know? We had something really good. I wasn't prepared to lose my husband so soon after getting married, much less to a man. That's just not something I ever thought about."

Adam wants to say he's sorry, because he is. Some days he wishes it had never happened, that he would always have Katy and Kris as this shining example of love gone right. They'd been together so long, had loved and supported each other for so long, that it was sad to see that tarnished. So he wants to say he's sorry, but he chokes on the words. He tries to cover it up with another sip of his drink.

"But then I realized that Kris is his own person and that trying to force him to stay with me when his heart belonged to you would be stupid and just prolong the inevitable."

"Kris didn't stop loving you, Katy." It's the only thing Adam can think of to say. He thinks it's important she know that.

"I know he didn't," she says softly. "But he started loving you more and I'm not very good at sharing. You aren't either, judging by the agreement you two made."

"Yeah, not really."

"Well, as far as I'm concerned? It's water under the bridge. I've made peace with it. I just wanted you to know I won't be standing in the way." She giggles and Adam vaguely wonders how much vodka she put in her own drink. "Besides, the media is going to _crucify_ you."

Adam has to laugh and shake his head. She's not completely wrong.

The buzzer in the kitchen chooses that moment to go off and Katy jumps up. "C'mon, I made a nice dinner. Stay and help me eat it. We can open that bottle of wine and get totally shitfaced and talk about Kris. I have years of embarrassing stories you need to know for future blackmail purposes. It will be awesome."

And it was.

\--

The rest of the year goes by even quicker than the first half. They are both busy with touring and planning their second albums and it's just about impossible to find any personal time, but Adam makes sure there's a two week block in August where he has absolutely zero obligations. He smiles every time he thinks about it. He thinks about it a lot.

There's only a few weeks left when he gets the call.

It's his mother. She's calling to remind him of Neil's visit, hoping he can carve some time out of his busy schedule for a dinner or two, but right as they're getting ready to say their goodbyes she drops the bombshell. "Oh! Be sure to tell Kris and Katy congratulations from me."

Adam has no idea what she's talking about. "Congratulations for what?" he asks.

"You didn't know? It was on Access Hollywood tonight. Katy's pregnant! I'm surprised they didn't tell you by now. She's already showing."

His mom says some other stuff and somehow Adam manages to respond in a non-suspicious manner. They hang up and he's just sitting there, staring at the phone when it rings. He answers it without even thinking, pure reflex.

It's Kris. "Adam! I need to --"

Adam presses the end button.

The phone rings again. He lets it go to voice mail. And every call after that. He deletes them all without listening to them.

He wakes up with an enormous hangover the next day and the first thing he does is change his number.

It takes Katy a week to track him down. Adam doesn't recognize the number when it pops up on his cell, but he answers it anyway.

"Adam, don't hang up!" He ignores her, changes the number again and doesn't go home. He tells his management that he has the flu. He reschedules the few appointments he has left. He tells everyone else that he's got a termite infestation and holes up in a really nice hotel suite. It's pretty great. He doesn't have to cook or clean or do laundry. He watches a lot of OnDemand movies and drinks a lot of vodka. And gin. And whiskey. But not the tequila, it makes him want to cry. He eats a lot of ice cream from room service. Actually, it's not that great. It's the crappiest vacation ever.

About a week into his binge he gets woken up by loud knocking on his door. Housekeeping knows not to bother him before noon, so he drags himself out of bed to see what's so important. It's Brad.

"Jesus, Adam. You look like shit." Brad wrinkles his nose as he walks in and surveys the room. He hands Adam a manila envelope. "Here. Apparently I'm the messenger or Cupid or something today. That's from your boy."

The envelope has a law firm's name and address stamped in the upper left hand corner. He throws it on the coffee table, unopened. "I'm not interested. Tell him I'm not interested."

Brad shakes his head. "Oh, no, I've done my part. You tell him yourself. He's right outside. Said today was the day, or whatever, that you had to talk to him, that you promised. You can thank me or bitch me out later, depending on what happens, but I'm done for now." He walks out, leaving the door open.

Adam stares at the empty doorway. There's no movement. He sighs. "You may as well come in."

He doesn't wait for a response. There must be something left to drink in the mini-bar, they just restocked it the day before. He finds a small bottle of Jack Daniels pushed behind the Toblerone. "A ha!"

Only to have it promptly taken away when he turns around. "Hey --"

Kris thrusts the envelope at him. "This is a copy of my divorce papers."

Adam refuses to take it. "I don't care."

"Damn it, Adam." He isn't wearing his wedding ring.

"What do you want me to say? You'll make a great dad? Cause you will." He ignores the pained look on Kris's face, throws himself into the wing chair next to the table. "Congratulations, by the way."

Kris sighs and puts the envelope on the table, sits down in the chair across from Adam. "I wish you would have let me explain --"

"There's nothing to explain, Kris. We said a year. Whatever happens. You made your choice and now I'm making mine. And for what it's worth, I think you should reconsider that." He points at the envelope.

"You are the most stubborn person I know, you know that? Adam, I haven't been with Katy since last November. In fact, I've been sleeping in the guest room since then. It's not mine."

Adam goes still. "Wait. What?"

"The baby isn't mine. It's Cale's if you can believe it. Which means I'm going to have to get a new guitarist for the band, 'cause how would we explain that? As it is, I'm happy as hell this happened. I'll look like less of an asshole for hooking up with you when my wife is pregnant by another man. Ex-wife soon."

Adam is speechless.

Kris laughs. "I know, right? I could almost swear she planned it, but she's kind of pissed that she can't play the scorned wife now. So, maybe not." He shrugs.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Nope. Once those papers go through I'm a free man. Well, as far as the law is concerned. As I see it? Today is the day, the one I've been waiting for, and now that it's here I don't want to wait anymore. Okay?"

"Yeah?"

Kris stands up. "You idiot. You're the love of my fucking life. Get over here and kiss me."


End file.
